Being Intentional About Your Next Chapter

There wasn’t a big moment, or dramatic scene. No slamming laptop shut, or walking out of a building in slow motion. There was, however, a feeling that kept showing up much quieter than that, and a lot more stubborn. Not this. I knew I wanted more for myself, and I needed to make a bold change. I just didn’t know yet that the change I was so desperately searching for would end up changing the trajectory of my life.

The day I turned forty, I had ambitious plans. There was a small part of me that still thought I was an imposter, even though I had what many would say, a successful career. So, I made my first bold move to go back to school. And just when I thought that was enough, I sold my house in the suburbs and bought an old fixer upper on a lake. For two years I went to school full time and worked full time, because apparently a midlife crisis at my house looks like an Executive MBA. Case studies at midnight, spreadsheets instead of a sports car, and a “new” house instead of a new husband. I was building something, even if I couldn’t have told you exactly what yet.

Then I lost my job.

You know the feeling as a kid when you spin around as fast as you can and then stop? That wobbly feeling, like the ground isn’t quite where you left it? That was the first few weeks. I was in disbelief, and a little lost. I was genuinely afraid that everything I’d built over nineteen years was just gone.

Here’s what actually happened instead. My people showed up, including friends, my community, women who’d had my back for years, all of them, immediately. And somewhere in the middle of that I realized the best part of those nineteen years was never the title or the building. It was the people.

Then came the part nobody warns you about, the grieving. Because losing a job you’ve had for almost two decades is a loss, even when a door kicks open because of it. There were hard conversations, including (but not surprisingly) financial ones. My Financial Advisor Stuart put it about as gently as it can be put, “the bills still gotta get paid”. So, we had those conversations, and frankly, we’re still having them.

These days I’m spending my time on what matters most, which is my wellness, my family and creating opportunities where I can make a real impact. I will say for the record, I am not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom (my kids will happily confirm this for you), but I am loving the extra minutes in the car on the way to school and soccer practice that I never used to have. It turns out those minutes were there the whole time, I just wasn’t.

I also stopped doing what I thought I was “supposed” to do. Apply to everything, keep the momentum going, get back on the horse. Instead, I took a pause, and when I was ready (I mean actually ready), I got intentional about what I wanted to do next instead of just chasing the next title.

That’s the whole point of this next chapter, honestly. Not figuring it all out immediately but getting intentional about doing what matters most.

Five ways to get intentional about your next chapter

1. Let yourself feel it first.

Don’t rush to reinvent yourself before you’ve processed what’s truly going on in your life. Feelings are meant to be felt, not skipped past on your way to a five-year plan. Give yourself the wobbly weeks. They pass (I promise). Pst… a good therapist also helps.

2. Get honest in your reflection.

Write two lists. One of everything that brings you joy and lights you up. One of everything that drains you. Be honest, not aspirational. If more women followed their actual passions instead of the ones that look good on paper, the world would be a far better place.

3. Name what makes you, you.

What makes you unique is usually sitting right next to what brings you joy on that list. That overlap, the thing only you do the way you do it, is what you have to offer the world. Write it down. Say it out loud if you must.

4. Fast forward a year.

Write down what success looks like for you exactly one year from today, as if it’s already happened. Past tense, done deal. I learned this one from Lisa McCarthy, co-founder of the Fast Forward Group, while building a corporate program with her earlier in my career, and it still works for me every time.

5. Get honest about what’s holding you back, then throw your hat over the wall.

Nine times out of ten, it’s you. It’s not the market, not your age, and not your circumstances. Once you name it, take small baby steps to get there. As Lisa taught me, throw your hat over the wall so you have no other choice to get it. It’s important that once you’ve thought about the things that bring you joy, just start doing them. The notion that you need to pick just one thing is completely false. For me, I listed out all my current resources and the things that I love (entrepreneurship, creating community, creativity, spending more time with my family and friends) and I just took action. More on this

I don’t have all of this figured out, but I’m doing the work out loud instead of quietly behind a closed door, because I know I’m not the only one standing at the start of her next chapter wondering where to even begin.

If that’s you, come be part of this with me. Join the Community and let’s build it together.